The Sin of Wanking
-> Panty Stories - 'true', 'fiction' or 'erotica'
#1: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 2:01 pm
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Not really a panty story as such other than I first started serial wanking over the photos of models in the lingerie pages of store catalogues.
Being a good catholic then, I had to confess to my sins. So I went to the confessional. Bless me father for I have sinned, for I have been masturbating many times, I said.
My son, said the priest, you must try to restrain yourself from this deed for you will surely kill yourself if you persist. Your sins are forgiven, your penance is to say 10 our fathers, 10 hail marys and 10 glory be's.
Almost 50 years later and having had a wank almost every day I haven't yet killed myself from wanking.
#2: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:07 am
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Good man Brianne - Britain needs more like you !!
BTW I sent to the doc today and said
"When I was 20 I couldnt bend my prick with 2 hands
When I was 35 I could bend it with one hand
When I was 50 I could do it with 2 fingers
Now I'm 68 I can bend it with my little finger ...
"Am I getting stronger ?"
#3: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:36 pm
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On a serious note, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure last year and now take daily doses of Lisinopril and Bendroflumenthlazide. One unfortunate side-effect of my medication was that I suffered from erectile dysfunction in that I could not maintain an erection while shagging my wife. So I went back to the doctor and asked if I could get Viagra or similar.
Good man, he said, not many men are confident enough to talk about this. You can already get an erection to start with so forget Viagra he said. I'll prescribe you Cialis, it is very good for maintaining an erection and one pill can be effective for up to 48 hours. You will not have a permanent erection over that period, just that when you get an erection it will be maintained to climax. See how it goes.
I couldn't wait to try it. It was as good as the doc said. I took one pill on Friday night and managed to shag my wife twice on the Friday, twice on the Saturday, and once on Sunday night. The last time I shageed her more than twice in a weekend was probably on our honeymoon in the 1970's.
My wife said that was the hardest she'd felt my prick had been for years. Send my thanks to the doctor next time you go for your willie pills she said. And I did. I even told him what she said. Glad to help was his answer.
#4: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:49 pm
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Mmmm ..... interesting Brianne .... I work in the medical profession and at one time was a drug rep flogging Lisinopril and you are right in everything you say.
I havent tried Cialis or Viagra myself yet - if I didnt swallow quickly would I get a a stiiff neck ???
I will go on www.person.com tonite with renewed vigour (I always come back here though - better class of knicker).
#5: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: peakz,
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:26 pm
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Fenman, that was a great one, thanks for the laugh! 
#6: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:26 pm
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Fenman, just don't put them in your shoe as it will make you limp
#7: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:32 pm
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Why are those important final wanking strokes called "the vinegar strokes" ???
Maybe when you've got that far the girl has had her chips ???
#8: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:36 pm
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Nevr heard that phrase. Is it peculiar to East Anglia
#9: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:37 pm
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It probably is as well as London where I was born innit.
It's also called The Short Strokes
#10: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: peakz,
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 12:15 am
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peculiar to arsenal fc fans.
#11: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 12:20 am
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Oh yes ... we have a language of our own !!!
#12: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: peakz,
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 8:44 pm
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you need one because unable to comprehend more sophisticated ones! hehe
just joking, fen!
any good sightings, lately?
#13: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 9:12 pm
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I so knew that was coming !!!
Have seen a few pairs of knickers hanging around but with winter here it's just not the same.
Mind you, the odd neighbour drops by and occasionally affords me a peek and there's always the washing basket when I visit them !!!
Me??? dirty old man ??? well yes ... normal innit???
#14: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: peakz,
Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 3:49 pm
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Well bad new for some of us I guess, I heard recently that masturbators can't go to heaven.
#15: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:01 pm
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OK, then who was it who said "Come to me" ???
#16: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:03 pm
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A girlfriend once asked me what my new aftershave was called.
I answered "It's called 'Come to me' "
She said....
"It doesnt smell like cum to me"
#17: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: peakz,
Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:37 pm
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Ba-da-bum, cymbal!
Thanks everyone, Fenman will be doing his stand-up routine here all week! 
#18: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 9:23 pm
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Who me ???
Last night I dreamed I was shagging the ex-wife .... when I woke up I WAS
#19: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 9:29 pm
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An altar boy goes to confession:
"Father I've been having sex with a girl from the village"
Priest say: "Is it Mary McGee?"
"NO"
"Is it Donna McPhail?"
"NO"
"Is it Sinead O'Riley?"
"NO"
Priest: "Say 12 Hail Mary's - and you're banned from the choir for 28 days"
The guys friend asks how he got on
"Not bad, he said, I got four weeks holiday and three good leads"
#20: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 4:43 pm
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My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes
#21: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 4:45 pm
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My wife has been missing a week now. Police came round this morning and said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
#22: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 4:50 pm
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Very good Brianne !!!
By the way, how do you manage to stay stuck up that tart with the black knickers and strill send e-mails ???
Remarkable ....
(Was shagging this bird recently and she said "Careful, are you trying to get ya balls in as well ?" ..... I gently explained that I was tryng to get them out)
#23: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:27 pm
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A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time
#24: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:29 pm
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I just met a fat, alcoholic, transvestite.
He wants to eat, drink, and be Mary
#25: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:30 pm
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Is Muffin The Mule illegal?
#26: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:31 pm
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My daughter son asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70 each.
“Blow this,” I thought, “I can get one cheaper off the Web
#27: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:29 pm
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The Royal Wedding
Guy goes into the chemist and ask for a packet of Durex. He takes the Royal Wedding Souvenir pack - one red, one white, one blue.
Eight months later he's back at the chemist enquiring about maternity bras.
Chemist asks "What bust?"
Guy says "The blue one"
#28: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: peakz,
Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:11 pm
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Fenman, Brianne, and the Pope walk into a pub . . .
#29: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:14 pm
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.......... Fenman is only 2 feet tall and is taken into the bar by Brianne . The Barman says to Brianne "Get him out, we dont serve shorts"
#30: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:33 pm
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A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a pub. The barman looks up. Is this a joke, he says.
#31: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:15 pm
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Paddy goes to confession and says "Oi've nicked a fiver from the collection box Father"
Priest asks why
Paddy says "Ta get me leg over"
A confused Priest tells him to say 12 Hail Marys and to repay the money.
The Priest, still confused goes to lunch and meets the Rev Mother from the local convent.
"What's a leg over?" he asks
She replies .... wait for it
>
>
>
>
>
"A FIVER"
#32: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 6:36 pm
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I decided to see what confessional is like 40 years after my last one and went to local catholic church. Confessed to wanking. No problem. Priest said that he does not regard wanking as a sin, so carry on regardeless.
That's it for another 40 years when I confess to shagging my wife up the @rse
#33: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 7:38 pm
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My priest went to the doctor who diagnosed AIDS. He gave him Ex-Lax, a pound of prunes, syrup of figs, Alka-Seltzer and an enema.
He asked the doctor if that would cure the AIDS.
He said "No, but It'll teach ya what ya arse is for"
#34: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 7:49 pm
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from what the priest said about wanking, sex, contaception etc , I think it's ok to shag my wife up the @rse as long as I am not wearing a condom, which I don't do anyway, so I am safe from the fires of hell
#35: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Fenman, Location: Cambridge UK
Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 8:10 pm
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Do you want me to hold the camera Brianne? (Just want to help, that's all)
#36: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Freeform, Location: Colorado
Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:17 am
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I was raised catholic, and I say glory be every time i finish myself off LOL As for the cialis I swear by it, i too have had the same problem and Brianne and i do thank the powers that be for making such a wonderful little pill. I find I'm good for the wife for about 2-3 days and am able to get hard in panties for about a 5-6 days later. beats whipping a wet noodle!
#37: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:14 pm
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[quote="Freeform"] I find I'm good for the wife for about 2-3 days and am able to get hard in panties for about a 5-6 days later![/quote]
I have taken one Cialis pill every Friday for a year now and find that it does indeed last well into the next week. Nowadays I can shag my wife to orgasm no bother on a Wednesday. Well worth £9 a pill
#38: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: Brianne, Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:22 pm
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and on special occasionswhen she asks me to shag her up the arse I seem to get an extra special hard-on, but still only last about 10 minutes before I cum
#39: Re: The Sin of Wanking Author: sexyteddybear65, Location: new york state
Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 4:26 am
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Ok guys your both too much. You are both killing me here. I love it. Brianne,
good to know your still able to give good wakes. And your right, the priest wrong. Sex is good for you even if you ( I MEAN ME ) getting older. Keep loving sex and always play in your panties as often as you can. Just think pussy, pussy, pussy & pussy. You'll be ok for another 100 years. oh take two pussy & call me in the morning with your panties full of cum.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaha. doc sex ( sexyteddybear65 ).
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